Knowing the ASS


Now that I have grabbed your attention, I would like us to talk about some social media ASS. Like, what causes ASS, the different forms and variations of ASS, how to spot people with ASS (and therefore distance yourself), are you an ASS person yourself, is there a cure for a severe case of ASS, and so on.

I should probably point out that just as I learn of so many things lately, I learnt of ASS on social media, where of course it is mostly displayed, and not just by socialites as you might be tempted to think. There’s a degree of ASS in us all, but as with all things, moderation is key.  I’m telling you a lot of learning goes on in those women groups.

Attention Seeking Syndrome. What causes it? Why?  Have you ever encountered people who just don’t know what to do when there’s no drama going on in their lives? Like, they are always in pursuit of drama on social media. When they are not starting “beef” on their various social media accounts, they’re out here trying to disrupt our Jesus peace. If I tell you about some of the fights I’ve seen on these social media streets, you’ll think I’m lying.  Which is why I want to share this screenshot, as I am too lazy to recount the story again. It’s straight from my Facebook page so please excuse the shenanigans you spot there. Just another normal day in that account.


There’s also another incident where a woman posted in a group of more than 15,000 women, telling us how her husband spoilt her on her birthday. She gave us details of what he did and everything. And then because she suffers from bouts of temporary insanity (there’s no other way to explain it), she tagged him on that post. Do you get it? As in, she blue inked him, so all you had to do was click on his name and there he is-In a group of 15,000 plus women. What follows next is pure madness and comedy, and more learning for some of us.

She later came back to the same group with a list of shame, if you please. She said her dear husband had told her that women were all over him. He probably wondered whether his nudes had leaked because he received so many friend requests from strange women.  I’ve always wondered how that conversation between the two of them went.

Husband: hey honey, how was your day?

Wife: it was ok.  But that receptionist of ours almost spoilt it. She was asking me where I bought this dress, like she can afford it.

Husband:  this dress I got you for your bday?

Wife: imagine. On her salary. Do you know when I uploaded a pic on Facebook, I got 23 likes! Then Jennifer in-boxes me to ask how much it was. I told her to get a husband to buy it for her, she already received her Chama cash in February, where will she get the money?

Husband: I don’t know what’s wrong with women lately. Like today I got on Facebook and found it was almost crashing. I had 14 friend requests from people I don’t know.

Wife: WHAT? 11? Almost as many as my likes on the dress.

Husband: yes. And they’re all women I don’t know


Husband: here. I wonder how they found me. Or why they want to be my friend. Why do people who have never even heard of you, or know you at all, want to be your friend? Is that not madness?

Wife…er…yes. I guess.  They’re crazy. They don’t even know you.

Later on on Facebook in the same group she had posted pictures of her boo and the shopping and everything”MY HUSBAND ALREADY TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU SHAMELESS WOMEN CHASING AFTER HIM. I HAVE YOUR NAMES AND WILL BE POSTING THEM SHORTLY.

The comments that followed is where we will learn a few things like methalis and their appropriate use:-

– post the names, unangoja ?Kwani  ni  barua  ya Ocampo?

– ukimwaga  mtama  kwenye  kuku  wengi una expect ?

– msiba  wa  kujitakia  huambiwi  pole

–  11 only? Afadhali Yesu  alikuwa na 12 disciples.

– 11 names is what you’re causing a ruckus about?  You should be more concerned about the names he didn’t give you.

And it went on and on and on.

I felt so sorry for the poor woman but i couldn’t stop laughing.  First of all, it was ONLY 11 women so I felt she needed to relax and rethink the whole trash and treasure theory.

And then I also thought, how did she land herself in this mess?  If she had told only her girlfriends and sisters and parents what the husband did for her, where would these 11 women have found her dear husband? Why did she need to show off and seek validation from people she doesn’t know and who don’t know her??  She has/had a Facebook account of her own, why couldn’t she celebrate her husband there? In my opinion your page is relatively safer. I don’t mean to say you won’t find people who don’t wish you well there, but at least it’s your world, you call the shots there, you have a right to post whatever you want there, those have a problem with that can very easily unfriend/unfollow/block. But for you to go to a group full of strangers to show them how happy (?)  You ate, what is that? If that’s not a cry for “hey, I’m here, someone notice me, please validate me” then I don’t know what is.

We also have those who go to the same groups and say “wish me a happy Birthday”, and I wonder – why? Are all your friends busy? Didn’t your virtual friends write “HBD” or “Hapi  Bdei” on your wall?? Why would anyone need more of that from a bunch of strangers ?

Then there’s the group that comes  with their  “Happy Birthday to me, I’m 24, but people say I have a baby face” And of course harsh women with no behavior are there to tell them : aiiii you look 44, punguza ugali, you have the same hairstyle as my mother”

And their birthday is anything but happy from that point and you wonder, who is to blame? Who sent them to the Lion’s den when they know very well they’re not Daniel?

Then the other group for  – and  I’m  not exaggerating  -“please rate me ”

Probably expecting to be told by total strangers how gorgeous they are. What they get instead is “aiiii where are your eyebrows?”

Now I get most of you will call this cyber bullying but I have to ask how did this bullying come about? Would these bullies have gone to these people’s personal accounts and bullied them there?

There are also extreme cases of attention seeking syndrome where people fake stories so as to get sympathy. They forget among those 15,000 people, there’s bound to be someone who knows them outside the virtual streets. I once saw a case where a woman lied her son had died, using her real account. I don’t know whether her end game was money or just love and sympathy from strangers. But when her very shocked baby daddy was called by a mutual friend to be consoled about his bereavement, he wasn’t amused. He sent an emissary to post pictures of his son very much alive and told people to stop those R.I.P messages. Tragi-comedy I tell you.

This is a very selfish lesson I learnt that I’m about to pass on to someone it might help. Stay away from people with ASS.  They always have some drama going on around them, always involved in beef…after some time it gets monotonous. You can’t keep a soap opera going on one or two characters only. Eventually whether you like it or not, you’re bound to be sucked into their drama. People with ASS thrive in dramatic situations, they’re well adapted. You on the other hand, might not adjust so well. You will get tired and weighed down for no good reason. Save that energy for playing with your kids, or for the gym, or for a night out with your friends. You don’t want to be told you look 54 when you’re 34. ASS ages you.

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